"You're fat because you wanna be"

I remember the first time I heard Dr. Phil tell a fat person, "You're fat because you wanna be" I laughed. Why did I laugh? Mainly from the shock of it. But it's true when you stop and think about it. He is a big proponent that you can "behave your way to success" and I suppose in many ways, he's right. I have behaved my way to success in the past and lost 80 lbs. only to turn around and gain it all back over the course of several years.

I'll admit I'm a diehard food addict. I suppose everyone has their vices. You could pour an ice-cold beer in front of me and I would turn my nose up at it. Personally I think beer tastes like horse-piss not that I've ever actually drank horse-piss but you get the idea. I can honestly say I've never tried drugs. Not even one puff from a marijuana stick. Nor have I ever watched porn. I've always tried to stay away from the things society turns its nose up at. However, food is another story altogether. We have to have it to survive, for one thing. Secondly, when you grow up in the deep south pretty much all your socializing revolves around it. Therefore, my relationship with food started in childhood. Instead of living by the motto, "I eat to live", mine was always "I live to eat".

I decided two months ago to face this mountain of weight once again. It needs to come off because frankly, I don't want to die young. I would also like to bring my sexy back. It's been years since I felt that way. Women want to feel beautiful. They want to feel special. They want to feel needed by their man. So I figure bringing sexy back can only help matters.

Sexy aside, one of the biggest motivating factors though is the fact that I have been an embarrassment to my kids all these years. My oldest son is a Sr. in HS and he's only ever known me "fat". Now my 11 yr. old son is starting middle school and he literally did not want me going to the open-house with him and his dad this week because he was so embarrassed. When I asked him "why?" he simply pointed to my belly. The same belly that carried his 9 lb. 1 oz. self for 9 mos., mind you.

In two more years my daughter, who is an extremely verbal child like her eldest brother, will be starting middle school. I figure if I want to enjoy their middle and high school years without having my feelings crushed on a weekly basis, not to mention being kept in hiding, I had better do something about it. I can't get mad at them. I brought this on myself and they deserve better. I want to be a mom they can be proud to be seen with.

Now you should know I've always been about the "quick fix". LOL! I got the bright idea to get that lap-band surgery and even went so far as to attend a seminar about it, but in the end I opted to try it on my own for year. I mean give it a real honest effort. My husband did not support the idea of surgery. He's one of these that believes you build character through doing things the hard way, meaning old-fashioned diet and exercise.

I honestly didn't wanna hear that. I wanted to stroll my fat self up to the hospital, have them put me to sleep and insert a band around my stomach so I would be forced to stop stuffing my face, and vomit if I dared to try. I know many people (I can think of at least 10 right now) who have had gastric-bypass surgery successfully and like me, they were desperate to do something about their weight after years of trying every diet in the book. I realize that diets don't work. They really don't. I'm living proof of that.

So I decided on June 28th to start controlling my carb-intake. Now mind you, I didn't say I quit eating carbs. I just became more mindful of the types of carbs I ingested. A good rule of thumb is "If you can't grow it or pick it, don't eat it." By doing that, I lost 15 lbs. my first month. Then I started allowing myself more and more of the bad carbs again. Sugar is like that you know. One taste of it and the addiction comes roaring back. Of course it doesn't help matters that we had 3 birthdays at the office this month which always means a "Joretta Cake". (Joretta is a lady in town who is known for her cakes). The first being her famous Hershey Bar Cake which looks something like this.




The very next week we were treated to Joretta's keylime cake.
And this week it was her famous Caramel poundcake.




Now I ask you. Could you have resisted such culinary delights? Talk about heaven in your mouth! That'll do it right there! But now the party is over. I have got to get a grip because Lord knows this weight ain't coming off by itself. Therefore I am officially back in the saddle again. Just pray that once I lose it I will win the lottery so I can afford all the plastic surgery I'll need to repair this body. Lord knows I'll need it.