The Art of Surrender...

As Christians, most of us are familiar with the old hymn, "I Surrender All". Can't you just hear the words now?

All To Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely Give.
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all.
I surrender all.
All to thee my blessed Savior
I surrender all.

Yet how many of us truly live a surrendered life? I have to admit that I certainly haven't been. Until lately, that is, and even now I have to make the choice "daily" to surrender. Sometimes hourly. Surrendering my life to God is not a foreign concept to me, but knowing and doing are two different things.

As human beings we love to be in control or at least "think" we're in control when the truth is control is an illusion. Nevertheless, I have always been one who likes to be in control. It gives me a false sense of security. Lately though I have come to the stark realization that Donna Jane is not in control and by always trying to be in control, I keep myself in a near-frenzied state of fear, anxiety, worry, and frustration.

Uh. Not exactly a healthy way to live, folks. And to complicate matters I have to fight an anxiety disorder on top of the normal anxiety that people commonly deal with. That means I have to fight extra hard to combat my thoughts because when you live with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) your mind tends to race. A LOT. In my case, it tends to race ahead to the future, always trying to get out ahead of God and "figure things out". People, let me just tell you if you don't already know. This is an exercise in futility.

We are not meant to know the future. We are meant to live one day at a time and to trust God with our future. I am in a situation now where I have no choice but to trust God. Either that or lose my mind with worry. I choose to trust. I would much rather live in peace and serenity then fear and anxiety. I do this by first of all believing that God's Word is true and that He does have a plan for my life. And it's a good plan... to give me a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11).

Secondly, I make the conscious choice to "take up my cross daily" and follow Him, because sure enough if I don't, I will end up fretting and trying to take back control which only leads to more anxiety. Quite frankly, I'm tired of living life that way. I was thinking about that verse in Luke 9:23 yesterday about taking up your cross and what it meant. (Ironically that was today's "verse of the day" on my Facebook page). It dawned on me that Jesus knew our carnal nature and that it would take a daily act of surrender to trust Him, which is the only true path to peace. And really, what is surrender? It's trust, plain and simple.

I don't know about you, but I am the type who tends to want what I want when I want it which is always "now". But what about when God says "wait?" Or worse yet, when He says "no"? Will we trust Him then knowing He has our best interests at heart? Or like a child will we pitch a fit to get our way or try to "force" something that isn't in our best interest? I love the quote, "God always gives the best to those who leave the choice to Him." I have made up my mind that I want God's best in my life. And I believe I can have it.

Given my circumstances of late, (my separation and pending divorce) I have found myself at a place I never thought I would be. Yet in the midst of my marriage falling apart I am learning some things about myself that I would have never otherwise learned. Now am I saying God caused my marriage to fall apart so I could learn these things? Absolutely not. But I am saying nothing catches God off-guard. He was prepared for this before I was. I am seeing God's hand at work in my life like I haven't seen it in years. So you see? In every dark cloud there is a silver lining if we will look for it.

We are admonished in the scriptures "In everything give thanks for this is the Will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." That means in the midst of whatever it is you're going through, give thanks. Give thanks through your tears. Give thanks through your heartache. Give thanks through your fear. Give thanks through your doubt. Give thanks through your pain. If you have to grit your teeth to do it, then by God, just grit your teeth and do it knowing God will bring something good out of it. After all He promised us He would.

I am on a journey to a good place. I am getting healthy- spirit, soul, and body. I have dealt with a religious addiction for the past 5 yrs. I believe with God's help I am finally getting to a healthy place spiritually. I am currently dealing with a food addiction by dealing with the core issue rather than trying to attack the symptoms through yet another "diet". And guess what? It's working. This weight is falling off me, and for the first time in my life I truly believe (No. I know without a doubt) I will get to a healthy weight and stay there.

My most recent challenge is admitting I'm codependent. When I was first challenged by a friend with this idea I balked. And I continued to balk for 3 mos. until the signs were so "in my face" I could no longer deny it. So I went out and bought the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and boy, have I had my eyes opened. Now I'm on a journey to face and deal with my emotional issues.

I am convinced this is the primary reason my marriage fell apart. I wish I had known 20 yrs. ago what I know now, but the good news is I'm learning. And I'm growing. And I'm changing. All for the better. I am learning to love me again. I am discovering who Donna Jane is and what she needs & wants in life and in a relationship. I plan to do this right next time around. But in the meantime I am learning to "live in the present" and take one day at a time even if I have to pray this every single day:

God, Grant me the Serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change.
Courage to change
The things I can.
And wisdom to
Know the difference.

This, my friends, is the art of surrender.