"You're fat because you wanna be"

I remember the first time I heard Dr. Phil tell a fat person, "You're fat because you wanna be" I laughed. Why did I laugh? Mainly from the shock of it. But it's true when you stop and think about it. He is a big proponent that you can "behave your way to success" and I suppose in many ways, he's right. I have behaved my way to success in the past and lost 80 lbs. only to turn around and gain it all back over the course of several years.

I'll admit I'm a diehard food addict. I suppose everyone has their vices. You could pour an ice-cold beer in front of me and I would turn my nose up at it. Personally I think beer tastes like horse-piss not that I've ever actually drank horse-piss but you get the idea. I can honestly say I've never tried drugs. Not even one puff from a marijuana stick. Nor have I ever watched porn. I've always tried to stay away from the things society turns its nose up at. However, food is another story altogether. We have to have it to survive, for one thing. Secondly, when you grow up in the deep south pretty much all your socializing revolves around it. Therefore, my relationship with food started in childhood. Instead of living by the motto, "I eat to live", mine was always "I live to eat".

I decided two months ago to face this mountain of weight once again. It needs to come off because frankly, I don't want to die young. I would also like to bring my sexy back. It's been years since I felt that way. Women want to feel beautiful. They want to feel special. They want to feel needed by their man. So I figure bringing sexy back can only help matters.

Sexy aside, one of the biggest motivating factors though is the fact that I have been an embarrassment to my kids all these years. My oldest son is a Sr. in HS and he's only ever known me "fat". Now my 11 yr. old son is starting middle school and he literally did not want me going to the open-house with him and his dad this week because he was so embarrassed. When I asked him "why?" he simply pointed to my belly. The same belly that carried his 9 lb. 1 oz. self for 9 mos., mind you.

In two more years my daughter, who is an extremely verbal child like her eldest brother, will be starting middle school. I figure if I want to enjoy their middle and high school years without having my feelings crushed on a weekly basis, not to mention being kept in hiding, I had better do something about it. I can't get mad at them. I brought this on myself and they deserve better. I want to be a mom they can be proud to be seen with.

Now you should know I've always been about the "quick fix". LOL! I got the bright idea to get that lap-band surgery and even went so far as to attend a seminar about it, but in the end I opted to try it on my own for year. I mean give it a real honest effort. My husband did not support the idea of surgery. He's one of these that believes you build character through doing things the hard way, meaning old-fashioned diet and exercise.

I honestly didn't wanna hear that. I wanted to stroll my fat self up to the hospital, have them put me to sleep and insert a band around my stomach so I would be forced to stop stuffing my face, and vomit if I dared to try. I know many people (I can think of at least 10 right now) who have had gastric-bypass surgery successfully and like me, they were desperate to do something about their weight after years of trying every diet in the book. I realize that diets don't work. They really don't. I'm living proof of that.

So I decided on June 28th to start controlling my carb-intake. Now mind you, I didn't say I quit eating carbs. I just became more mindful of the types of carbs I ingested. A good rule of thumb is "If you can't grow it or pick it, don't eat it." By doing that, I lost 15 lbs. my first month. Then I started allowing myself more and more of the bad carbs again. Sugar is like that you know. One taste of it and the addiction comes roaring back. Of course it doesn't help matters that we had 3 birthdays at the office this month which always means a "Joretta Cake". (Joretta is a lady in town who is known for her cakes). The first being her famous Hershey Bar Cake which looks something like this.




The very next week we were treated to Joretta's keylime cake.
And this week it was her famous Caramel poundcake.




Now I ask you. Could you have resisted such culinary delights? Talk about heaven in your mouth! That'll do it right there! But now the party is over. I have got to get a grip because Lord knows this weight ain't coming off by itself. Therefore I am officially back in the saddle again. Just pray that once I lose it I will win the lottery so I can afford all the plastic surgery I'll need to repair this body. Lord knows I'll need it.

"Mom! I saw a UFO!"

So I'm at work this afternoon and I get a call from my 9 yr. old daughter on the cellphone as I often do.

"Mom, Evan has to tell you something."

Well, first of all, this is highly unusual because Evan never has much to say and especially not on the phone. I knew this had to be serious. Next thing you know my 11 yr. old (who is really an old man trapped in a child's body) came on the phone and said,

"Mom. Something told me to go look out the window and I swear to God I saw a UFO just fly over our house." Now you have to understand this child is not given to drama. At. All. He is a "just the facts, ma'am" sort of kid. I kept my composure although I wanted to laugh and I said, "Really? What did it look like?" "A black speck in the sky" he said. I let him get it all out and asked a few questions inbetween, all the while holding in my laughter. Kids can be so amusing when they're serious. Finally Averi got back on the phone. I geared up because I knew the drama was coming.

You see, I have filled her head with tales from my childhood about an alien abduction in Pascagoula, MS that took place back in 1973. (Read story here: http://ufos.about.com/od/aliensalienabduction/p/pascagoula.htm). Our April visit to Mississippi to see my family almost didn't happen because Averi Anna just knew a UFO was gonna land out in the pasture near her Granny Jane's house and take her away. After much reassurance we were finally able to convince her that a UFO wouldn't land in the pasture, much less abduct her.

I suppose all that came roaring back to her memory today because she began to cry about the aliens coming to get her. At that point nothing would do in her mind, but that I had to leave work that instant and come get them. Luckily I only work a mile from home, but even still, I wasn't giving in to this nonsense. "First of all" I said, "I seriously doubt a UFO would land in our backyard in the middle of the afternoon, but if one does then call me back and I will be glad to come pick you and Evan up." At this point I'm sure all she could see were visions of little green men peeking in the kitchen window. When my attempt to comfort her didn't work I told her what I always tell her. "Call your daddy."

It wasn't five minutes later the secretary buzzed me and said Darin was on the phone. I picked up and in my normal cheerful voice said, "Hey honey." He didn't waste any time getting to the point. "I'm sure you know what this is about. Those children are home scared too death. And who can blame them with all your tales of Mississippi abduction stories! You are gonna have to go pick them up." I was like "Okay. But you will have to call and tell Evan he's coming back to the office with me."

See. Normally none of this would've been an issue because Ashton is always home with them. However, this week happens to be band-camp so the kids have been home alone in the afternoons for this week only. Don't worry. The doors are always locked and they are surrounded on all sides by neighbors at home. Darin comes home from 11:30-12:30 then I come home from 12:30-1:30 so we definitely keep a check on them. And besides, Evan is such an old soul it's like having an adult at home anyway. LOL!

I quickly told one of the agents I was heading home to get the kids then dashed out the door. I happen to have a job that is very flexible and in that, I am blessed. When I got home Averi was ready to go but Evan really didn't want to. He didn't even have his shoes on. He asked if he could go next door to his friend, Julian's house, so I told him to run over there and see if they were home. Lucky for him they were so at least he didn't have to spend 2.5 hours at my office being bored. Averi, on the other hand, brought her Gameboy, along with the book, Charlotte's Web, to keep herself entertained.

When I got home this evening Evan informed me that he now believes in UFO's. Even though he's watched numerous documentaries on them he said he didn't really believe until today. I guess seeing is believing as they say. LOL! For the record, I really do think he saw something but a UFO? I think the odds are probably not. That's not to say I don't believe they exist. I actually do think something is going on out there in the galaxy. There have just been too many sightings and strange experiences for there not to be something. I guess it's like everything else though. We'll understand it better in the by and by.